That phrase has been bothering me ever since the 80s, when I saw the movie 9 to 5. Dolly Parton's character was complaining to her husband about her job, and this "compliment" was his response.

"But," my junior high mind objected. "That's not true. Her coworkers don't like her because her boss has been telling them she's sleeping with him. Besides, this is work, not a fashion show. What does this guy think women do, anyway, compare thigh sizes while PRETENDING to rush around getting their jobs done? What do her looks have to do with the way she's being treated? Is she supposed to smile and say 'you're right honey' and go back to work all chipper and happy because, hey, the other women don't like her...so that proves she's pretty!?"

The worst part about this so-called compliment is the fact that it muddies the decision making process. Suggesting that the "real" reason behind the problem is personal appearance, and completely side-stepping the actual issues, is to purposely make solving the problem more difficult. It's like telling a friend who is facing a life threatening disease this: "Your doctor said you need surgery? Hey, donφt worry about it. What you really need is a new hairstyle. Really! I mean it. Forget about the doctor. She must have meant something else when she said surgery. Go spend an hour in the salon. That will fix everything. Promise."

Perhaps you're thinking I'm making too much of this, that I'm blowing the use of a simple catch phrase out of proportion. Well then, consider this list of sample "compliments:"

1. Didn't make the high school basketball team? Don't worry, it's just because you're pretty. The rest of the team didnφt want you to outshine them.
2. Teacher give you a lower grade than you deserved? Hey hon, the teacher's a woman, so it must be because you're such a cutie.
3. Do you have a co-worker who is ruthlessly sabotaging your work? Well, you know it's because you're so good looking.
4. Did the kids tease you in kindergarten? You got it! You're prettier than they are.
5. Boss pass you over for a promotion at work? She must be jealous about your being such a "looker."

Think about it. How many times has someone said this to you? How many times did it have anything, what-so-ever, to do with the true issue at hand?

In reaction to the insidious nature of this "compliment," I would like to suggest that all women make a point of responding to it with a steady eye, a calm face, and a firm voice: "Either stick to the topic, and help me out, or refrain from speaking."